(Week 32)
I once thought achieving "grown-up" status was as simple as moving out and signing your first rental agreement. I always looked forward to my 30th birthday because I imagined that by then I would have acquired grace and poise. When it came to parenthood, I assumed all those parents around me were just more mature and put together than me. Turns out I was wrong. They are just people with kids and sometimes they are just as big a kid themselves.
I've been in a few situations now when I'm in a public place with crying babies and someone will look me dead in the eye and say "Are you ready for that"?
Truth is, I'm not "ready" and I'm never gonna be, but I'll adapt, I'll cope and I'll get by just fine.
We just finished a birthing class at the hospital and I found it amusing that I was able to come to grips with my fears of labor and delivery pretty easily, but when they briefly covered infant care I literally broke out in a cold sweat. When everyone was watching the videos of the newborn homecomings with excitement and giddiness I was starting to employ some of our new pain management techniques to go to my 'happy place' and avoid the 'fear cycle'.
It will be fine, I know I'll figure it out, but there is no preparing for this bit, it's just diving in a doing.
I don't have baby dreams.
Instead I still have high octane adventure dreams of complex plots in exotic lands, but no baby dreams. I think it's just because I have zero experience to draw from. I have NO idea what to expect and no expectations for what it may be like, but I do seem to be preparing myself for a fast paced adventure filled with pitfalls and split second decisions.
Maybe I should add a fedora and bullwhip to my baby registry, too bad no one would get the joke but me... and maybe you now :)
So, for now I've set aside the library of baby books and decided to focus on what I can do to cater to my nesting instinct. For me apparently this means investing in wood furniture and a Mazda CX9. I'm really excited! I may not know how to burp this kid, but I'm confident he'll have a nice dresser that should last a lifetime, a TV center that he can't get into, and a car big enough to hold him, our dog, and all of our camping gear!
This all calms me by making me feel a bit more grown-up and prepared even though it really is just a state of mind.
